Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among children, blood-related or not.

Siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family.

The above definition from Wikipedia pertains in many cases to the differing view points of children as to how to best care for their aging parents. I have had the honor to work with many families who have struggled through the process of helping parents transition from single family home living to a senior apartment or community. In the end, the majority of the siblings I work with have one goal and that is to make sure their parents or parent is safe and secure with the best quality of life. As in the above definition of sibling rivalry, there are complicated connections to brother and sister, and in those relationships confusion and sometimes disagreements may occur when trying to help mom and dad.

So many decisions have to be made when a home is no longer working for the older adult. Many of my seniors choose not to (more…)

My kids don’t understand! It’s my safety zone. I’ve lived here for 40 years. This home is my memories, not just a building and foundation. It’s hard to think of moving to a community and having to make new friends. What if my money runs out? Will they kick me out? How do I start going through everything…there’s so much. I don’t have anyone to help me and I don’t want to burden my family. What if I move and I hate it?

Sound familiar? Over the course of my career in working with seniors and their families the above questions and comments have been a constant when dealing with a move of a senior from their long time home. Some have described the stress of moving as somewhere between a divorce and a colonoscopy…ouch! As we age, change becomes more and more difficult. As children of seniors, we want (more…)

We love our homes! Just think back to when you purchased your very first house. Feel the emotions of excitement and the thrill of leaving an apartment for the independence of home ownership. For many, that journey may have begun 30-60 years ago. Those memories are an important component of our life histories. The houses worked for us as long as you kept up with the maintenance both inside and out. But what has changed are the owners of the home!

Over the years our surroundings become a part of us. We sometimes feel that our home and neighborhood are synonymous with who we are and how we view our place in the world. We know the neighbors, the stores, the restaurants and our places of worship, which in most cases are within a short distance of our homes. Thinking of venturing out from our homes to a new environment is daunting. The number one fear holding most of us back from a move to a new apartment or community is the (more…)

We have entered new territory in the last 6 months. Most of us are left with a feeling of uncertainty not knowing where to turn for guidance. The news leaves us confused, angry, sad, and frightened as we look to others for encouragement and direction. Relationships can be tested and finances can be strained. All we planned for in our later years seems to be surrounded by this fog of the unknown. We must deal with our inner most emotions of fear and anxiety which can affect our emotional and physical well being.

Where do you stand? How are you coping with this great challenge of faith? Is your true character rising to the surface and causing you to be shocked by your own behavior!
I once heard Zig Ziglar who is an accomplished author and speaker say, “you can change who you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind”. You’ve probably also heard the axiom, “garbage in and garbage out”. You are an accumulation of all of your thoughts. Everything in your life happens as an extension of your belief system. Have you ever known people who expect bad things to happen to them at all times and just as they expect, so do they receive! We control much more than we can ever imagine. Our thoughts every moment are laying the ground work for tomorrow’s events. Therefore, be very conscious of what you are designing for your future by your thoughts today!

I have gone down this path because I see too many seniors living life without a plan and without joy. Yes I know that many older adults are confronted with challenges that seem unfair and difficult. As we age, our bodies are designed to wear down and cause us discomfort. We are also tested financially as our earning power diminishes as we enter retirement. A fixed income combined with physical and emotional pain can seem to be too much to endure. But since this is our only life on earth we can choose how to react to these challenges. We decide whether we smile or cry. Only each and every one of us can make the choice of focusing on our bad lot in life, or we can make lemonade out of lemons! Only we have the ability to change our perspective of any situation.

If you are feeling isolated and not knowing how to change your life to a meaningful happy life, here is an observation I have made based on countless senior clients who have made the choice to connect with others to find meaning in their lives. I have been asked to provide my knowledge and expertise to help numerous older adults downsize, move, and find happiness in their new surroundings. When I first meet with many of my senior clients in their homes, the beginning of many appointments start with the statement, “I know it’s time to move but I’m afraid, overwhelmed and confused. I don’t know how to begin to clear out the 50years of ‘treasures’, then whether my home will sell or not, and how to find the right senior community to suit my needs”. Usually procrastination sets in to avoid the issue at hand. Then a change happens. I show them the facts. I help them by connecting them with the many service providers who are anxious to assist them in downsizing, determining how much they can spend each month so that their money will last their lifetime, and to find the right senior community to match their physical and emotional needs. There are so many wonderful companies just waiting to help anyone who has a desire to improve their lives and utilize their assets in a positive way. After my clients have made their moves, what do I hear most often? ”I wish I had done this sooner and why did I wait so long?”

I was recently invited to a lunch by a marketing director at a senior community. Table after table I witnessed vibrant conversations as well as laughter and smiles. Four tables included folks who blessed me with helping them downsize and sell their homes. I visited each of those past clients and found them to be transformed. Before their moves there was sadness and pain in their eyes and now after the move, joy and excitement! They were connecting with others as we are meant to do. They were finding the romance in their lives once again! They found new friends who were also connecting. They were in the game of life again. By sharing the gift of friendship to others, they had in turn given themselves the greatest gift of all…a life worth living!!

We have been smothered and suffocated in the past 5 months since the economic “melt down”. Do you feel tired and sad from a constant ring of red ink? Are you angry that a very few profited from unethical practices? Have you felt yourself wondering how you will be affected in the long run and feeling the pinch in the short run? ENOUGH!

It is natural to want to protect you and your family from outside forces which at present seem to be knocking at our door. We watch the news to find our bearings but this ever darkening chant from CNN and the other news channels leave us feeling weak and powerless. The only thing we truly can control is how we react to this never ending chant of doom. Only we can decide to go on with our lives and enjoy what freedoms we have and assets we control.

There are and will always be opportunities for all of us to succeed where others fail. These opportunities are here today if we wish to identify them. If we can compliment these windows of opportunity with a realistic view of where we are at this very moment, life can be wonderful and full of promise. How do we accomplish this challenge of optimism in a very challenging period of our history?

First, take a look at what you truly have. Your health is precious and no amount of money can supplant the gift of relative good health. That gift is priceless and we need to acknowledge such an important aspect of our lives. Next take an honest look at your finances. In many cases the difference between your portfolio in September and your current situation is monies you may not have ever spent. We all have a tendency to over-protect and under-appreciate what we actually possess in the way of financial clout. Most folks I know, including me have seen about a 30% drop in total funds, if invested in the stock market. That leaves 70%! I know that can ring hollow, but we must still appreciate what we have and understand that in many cases, all we have lost were funds that artificially increased by the frenzied stock market. If we are mad at Wall Street for their actions, we should also accept the fact that much of what we had was due to those financial transactions.

The same goes for housing. We are fortunate to be in a market that is more conservative when compared to the Wild West and Southeast. Those areas had huge swings from 20% per year appreciation to in some areas losses of 50% in home values. In the Midwest, we never experienced those highs and are thankfully not seeing those types of depreciation. Overall, the Milwaukee-Metro market has adjusted downward by 14% on average. It is true there are many unsold homes currently on the market, but if one wishes to pay attention to the market one can sell their home when the time comes at a respectable price!

There will be a window of opportunity in the next couple of months. Are you ready to take advantage of the Federal Government’s bail out which will come to the housing sector? I believe the government will do all they can to jump start the housing industry by offering discounted interest rates and tax credits to would-be buyers. This may be for a limited time so opportunity may present itself for those wishing to sell. That means you need to be ready for this opportunity in real time! The home should be ready to show when these incentives arrive, which may be in March of this year. If you wait too long, the market may see a huge increase in inventory as the word gets out that purchasers are reacting positively to the government incentives. Be first and you may find you seized on positive as opposed to expecting negative. If you have thoughts of selling your home, begin the process of thinning out the home from some of your treasures and take care of any problem areas both structurally and cosmetically. Don’t wait to hear about the good news, expect it. The worst thing that can happen is that your home will be in better condition and you will be proud to have your family and friends enjoy the upgrades you’ve made in your preparation.

In summary, the market will come back. It may be sooner than you think. Look at where you are today as a gift, not a burden. We are all in this together as Americans, not as victims of a weak economy. We control how we perceive the news we hear and all of us can help to change our situations by looking at reality as opposed to focusing on fear. Begin today by counting your blessings and you’ll find that others will notice the difference in you immediately!