Parent and Child issues
Last month’s article dealt with the question of selling your home ‘as is’ or fixing/updating the property prior to marketing the property. The answer requires proper pricing and dealing with structural defects if selling ‘as is’. If you are looking for the best possible price, then updating should be done throughout the home. Proper preparation must involve an expert such as a real estate professional to help decide which path is best for you.
This month’s article deals with the interactions between child and parent when confronted with the parent’s home sale, after many years in the home. I will discuss the observations I have made after guiding hundreds of families through the process of selling.
The call comes in and on the other end is a stressed voice asking for a sympathetic ear. The voice asks for direction and hope in a situation that many times may feel overwhelming with no apparent end in sight. The child asks for help. So many children are faced with a parent(s) who have raised their families and enjoyed many years in their homes, who now must leave to move into housing that meets their current needs and situation. The children want the best in most cases for their parents, but don’t know how to begin the process.
Communication is critical when faced with such a daunting situation as finding the proper fit of housing, as well as downsizing after years of accumulation. There are financial concerns and medical issues as well. In many cases the parent(s) may have some medical challenges and cannot contribute to the move as they would like. So, the voice on the other end feels alone and frustrated! Communication is essential, but where does the advice and guidance originate?
One needs to start somewhere, but what is the best way to begin this journey? I would suggest first talking to a Certified Senior Advisor, or elder law attorney. These professionals will examine the entire financial situation, as well as the needs of the senior. Issues such as Medicare and Medicaid must be addressed along with assets and liabilities. It is critical to know the amount available for the coming move and finding the proper housing. The funds that will be available after the sale of the home combined with all other assets, pensions, and income must last for a lifetime. Therefore, the first step is to assess the complete financial story of the parent(s) before they make their move.
The next step is to call a Senior Real Estate Specialist to visit the home and fully examine the entire home for its current value, as well as recommend preparations needed to properly market the home. This Realtor will determine what inspectors are needed to address any structural issues such as basement, roof, furnace, electric or plumbing problems. Now, the net asset (after all selling expenses) will be known, so that you can report back to the financial advisor you have selected. The picture is becoming clearer!
Now it is time to look for housing. The children and parent(s) should visit different types of senior housing which best matches the physical and mental needs of the parent(s). There are senior housing placement services that can assess the needs of the parent(s) and offer suggestions of suitable housing which can save much time and travel. There are also magazines such as ‘Senior Resources’ that list most housing available to seniors, along with descriptions of the amenities and prices.
Gathering information is the key to reducing stress and fear of both parent and child. Consulting with professionals is critical to have proper direction as well and a point of beginning. There are professionals that specialize in downsizing, packing, moving, cleaning, as well as inspectors to assess any defects in the property to be sold. A Senior Real Estate Specialist or Certified Senior Advisor are ready to help begin the process and offer a compassionate helping hand to both parent and children.
It is critical that all of the children involved have a meeting to determine what steps will be taken to help assist the parent(s) in the process of moving. It is equally important to then meet with the parent(s) to understand mom or dad’s feelings about moving. It is hard for a child to walk in the parent’s shoes. It is just as difficult for the parent to understand the emotions of a child when trying to do the right thing, but not really knowing what is truly right for the parent. In the end, love for each other will be the source of strength and courage to see the move go in the right direction. Once the process is started, the mantra should be ‘one day at a time’. One step at a time, with proper planning, can be the gift from a child to a parent that will be gratifying, as well as, the right thing to do!
Tags: children, communication, fear, parents, senior housing, siblings, stress